Choose Kindness
“Be kind to the wishers, who haven’t got wishes. Be kind to the fishers, who haven’t got fishes. Be kind to the beginners, who haven’t got ends. Be kind to the strangers, who haven’t got friends. Be kind to the walkers, who haven’t a shoe. Be kind to the talkers, who haven’t a clue. Be kind to the outsiders, and insiders too. Be kind to the kind, kept confined in the zoo. Be kind in your mind, and in all that you do and you’ll find that mankind can be kind to you too!” ~Dallas Clayton
A few weeks ago, I was watching a video by a motivational speaker I’ve come to love. In her presentation, Rachel Hollis spoke about her school experience with the “popular” kids, and she said something that really caught my attention.
She said, “Popularity is geographical. You might be popular in one place, but you leave and go somewhere else, and nobody knows who you are.”
Those words really struck a chord with me and immediately took me back to a situation—and a conversation—I had with my youngest daughter about two years ago, around this same time of year.
That particular Friday evening, I walked in from work to find Bella sitting at the kitchen table, very quiet and reflective. She was texting back and forth with her big sister, who happens to be her lifeline when it comes to advice. I knew something was up, because she wasn’t acting like her usual happy self.
I asked her a few questions, but she wasn’t ready to talk yet, so I gave her some space. Right before dinner, she finally opened up. Between sobs, she told me about a situation at school and how some kids were treating others with meanness because they believed they were superior in every way.
The situation didn’t affect Bella directly—she wasn’t the one being targeted—but some of her longtime friends and newer friends were. She told me it hurt too much to witness that kind of behavior, and she felt compelled to speak up to make it stop. Of course, the moment she addressed the behavior with this particular friend, she was met with the cold shoulder. She couldn’t understand why her honesty—shared kindly and with the good of everyone in mind—was met with distance instead of understanding.
One of the many things Bella said while sharing her story was, “Why can’t we just accept people for who they are? Why do some people feel superior? Why can’t we be respectful and treat everyone kindly?” Words fail me when I try to express how incredibly proud I felt in that moment as her mom.
We talked some more, and then my oldest daughter spoke with her as well, offering thoughtful advice and insight from her own experience as a student.
That conversation reminded me of something I had written in my diary a few months earlier—something I want to share now, because it fits this story perfectly.
Maria’s Diary
Early Fall of 2017
Bella started the conversation by saying, “Mom, I need to tell you a story, but I might have to use that word you don’t like.”
One word I really don’t allow the girls to use at home is… popular—unless they’re referring to a song.
The other day, the girls stepped into that uncomfortable subject I’ve always been protective of since they were little: “the popular kids.”
Whenever they use that phrase, I immediately pause them—not to change the subject (I’m far too inquisitive for that; I want to know what’s going on in their world outside our home)—but to ask them to rephrase their words. As I listened to them tell the story, I couldn’t help but put on my Dr. Phil cape once they were done and share my own perspective.
Fortunately, I’ve never been too impressed by superficial things; they’ve never really caught my attention. Because of that, I’m able to offer a different light and perspective. Do my kids always hear what they want to hear from me? Probably not—most likely not. But they hear it anyway, because that’s my job as a mom. I’m here to parent them, not to be their best friend.
I often say to them, in a joking kind of way, “Who is popular? You’re popular. I’m popular. Dad is popular. The neighbor next door is popular. We are all popular!” If they haven’t heard my definition of popular at least a few times during their growing-up years, then they haven’t heard it at all.
Let’s become “popular” by the way we treat others—by our acts of kindness, by how we make people feel when we’re around them, and by the positive footprints we leave on this earth. Then I want to hear the word popular a lot.
One of our greatest and most important responsibilities as parents is to nurture gentleness, to lead by example in how we treat others, and to teach our children to choose kindness every time they interact with their peers. We don’t have to be everyone’s best friend, but we should always treat everyone with respect. Once words are spoken and actions are taken, they can’t be taken back. One single act of kindness can be worth more than a million words.
Choose kindness. 🤍
